"I'll try to tell you the story about Epaminandus.  I did say 'try' because it has been a long, long time since I have seen the story in print, and memory has a funny way of changing things over the years.  Also, I purposely change parts of the story from time to time attempting to keep it as interesting as I possibly can.  The general idea remains exactly the same each time I tell it, however." Grandpa H. 1910-1998
The story takes place in a small town or village, wherever your imagination wishes it to be.  The three characters are Epaminandus, his mother, and his grandmother.

The Story Of Epaminandus

Epaminandus was a little boy. Oh, I'd say about five years old - but you may think of him as younger, or even older.  Anyway, he was sort of a "do do", maybe because of his age or maybe because he just couldn't learn.  Whether or not Epaminandus had a father, or any sisters or brothers matter not.  He's the little boy the story is about.  His grandmother lived across town - not too far away - but it seems that Epaminandus had always visited her with his mother - never alone - and, like all little boys, or girls, growing up, he, all of a sudden, decided that he was a "big boy now" and that he could make the trip all by himself.

"Mama, can I go to grandma's tomorrow - all by myself?"  he said, catching his mother somewhat by surprise.
"Are you sure you know the way, Epaminandus?"  said his mother.
"Oh, yes, I have been there so many times with you that I know where to walk, I won't get lost."
"Well, O.K.," mamma replied,  "but you must not dilly dally along the way.  Go straight to grandma's house and come home before it gets too late."

The big day arrived.  Epaminandus washed up and put on clean clothes.  Waving good-bye to his mother, he set out on his journey to grandmother's house.  He was right; he knew the way.  It didn't take him long to make the trip and grandma was real glad to see him,  although she was somewhat surprised that he came alone.

"Where's your mamma?" she said.

"Oh, she's at home; I came alone; I'm a big boy now," said Epaminandus.

"I guess you are, alright,"     said grandma.  What with her cooking and baking and other household chores grandma found time to visit with and entertain her grandson for much of the day.    About three o'clock in the afternoon she said,  "Your mamma will probably be expecting you home early; maybe she'll worry; I think you had better go home now.   You can come back tomorrow if it's O.K. with your mamma."   "Oh, yes I want you and your mamma to have a piece of cake I just baked."   She cut a large piece, wrapped it in paper and handed it to Epaminandus.

"Now, you won't get lost, will you?"

"No, I know the way by heart."

Epaminandus tightly clutched the piece of cake in his hands all the way home as he skipped and hopped along the way.  He was met at the door by his mother who had been anxiously waiting for him.

"I see that you made it without getting lost."  she said.  "Oh, you have a package; is it for me?"    "Yes, you and me,"  said Epaminandus.   "Grandma baked a big chocolate cake and she wanted us to have some."   He unwrapped the package and as it opened - crumbs fell to the floor.  He had squeezed it so hard that there was nothing left but crumbs.  No cake to eat, - but an angry mother.

"You! - you!  Epaminandus!     You know better than that.  When grandma gives you cake to bring home,    you don't squeeze it and break it up into little bits.  Why didn't you put it on your head under your straw hat and then come along home?"

"All right mamma,  I'll remember to do that next time,"  said the tired boy.  After supper of soup and crackers,  Epaminandus went to bed.  All night he dreamed of his trip alone to grandmother's house.  In the morning he begged his mother to let him go alone again to grandma's.

"She said it would be O.K. if you will let me."

Giving her permission, mother said,     "Now remember, don't crush the cake to crumbs if grandma gives you any."

"I know - I know,"   answered the happy little boy,  half listening as he trotted down the path and across town to grandma's house.

As before,  the dear old lady was pleased that her grandson came to visit her.  They talked and talked and Epaminandus helped as best he could when grandma churned some butter.  When he was about to go home again about three o'clock on a sweltering hot summer afternoon, grandma said,     "Epaminandus, I want your mother to have a pat of this fresh butter.    Here, take this home with you."

Epaminandus remembered the cake and the messy crumbs.  He also remembered what his mother said,  "Put it on your head."  Oh, yes, he was a smart kid alright!  He took the butter, which was the size of a flattened grapefruit, and as he went out the door he put it on his head under his straw hat.

That might have been all right if he had gotten cake - but butter?  That was a different thing.  It was hot, as I said before, and the wind was blowing dust into the air.  Epaminandus took his sweet time along the way.  You can imagine what happened.  The butter melted as he skipped along.  It saturated his hair.  It ran down the sides of his face.  But all this time the happy little boy didn't realize the awful mess being created.

When he walked into his own house, his mother gasped,  "Epaminandus, you!  you!  What is all over your face?

"Well look at you.  You're a mess from one end to the other.  Don't you know anything, kid?  When you get butter you should go as quickly as possible to the creek, wrap the butter in leaves and cool it and cool it by dipping it in the clean, cool creek water.  Then, instead of piddling along on a hot day like this, you should hurry home.  Now, take your hat off.    Let's see the butter."

Plop!  To the floor went all that remained of the once fresh pat of butter.

The next day Epaminandus wanted to go to grandmother's house again.  After considerable begging, he got permission.     "But remember,"  said mamma,  "cool butter in the creek after wrapping it in nice green leaves."

"Ya, I'll remember,"  were his last words as Epaminandus left for another day at grandma's.

This particular day grandma had a puppy dog to give Epaminandus when he was ready to go home.  You guessed it!  He took the puppy dog and hurried to the creek where he wrapped him in leaves and dipped him in the water over and over again to cool him and cool him.  Then he remembered - he hurried along home.

"What have you got there?"     his mamma said as he came across the lawn.

"A puppy dog, mamma.  Grandma gave me a puppy dog."

"You ignoramus, Epaminandus.   That looks more like a dish rag to me.  Here, give me that poor, wet dog."  He handed over what appeared to be a dead puppy but mamma revived him by wrapping him in a blanket and putting him in the nice, warm sun to dry out.

"Don't you ever learn anything, Epaminandus?  You can't do that to a puppy dog, you should put a string on his neck and lead him home.  Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand - but you said cool the butter - I thought I should do it with the puppy."

The next day meant another trip to grandma's house.  Epaminandus enjoyed going alone.  This time there was no cake, no butter, no puppy dog, - but a nice loaf of fresh bread awaiting Epaminandus when he was ready to leave.

Remembering what his mother had said, he tied a string around the bread and pulled it.  When he got home all that he had on the end of the string was a small piece of crust.

"Oh, boy!  Oh, boy!  For the life of me I don't know what to do with you, boy.  Look at you.  What do you have now?"

"Bread, mamma, bread.  Grandma baked bread and she wanted us to have some."

"But, look, Epaminandus, you have only a small piece of crust left.  That is it!  You can't go to grandma's house anymore until you learn something.  I'll go to grandma's alone tomorrow, and since you're such a big boy now, you can stay home alone."

Morning came.  Mother baked several pies and placed them on the steps to cool.  All except the one she took to grandmother's.    As she went out the door she said to Epaminandus, "Now, you be good while I'm gone.  And, remember, I put the pies on the steps to cool.  You be careful how you step on those pies."

Epaminandus was careful how he stepped on those pies.  When his mother returned she found that he had stepped right in the middle of each pie.